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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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WNBA Title Only Makes Indianapolis That Much More Bleak

INDIANAPOLIS—The Indiana Fever captured their first ever WNBA championship Sunday night with an 87-78 win over the Minnesota Lynx, an accomplishment that has reportedly only served to make the city of Indianapolis that much more miserable. “Jesus Christ, this joyless town really didn’t need this,” said Indianapolis native Rebecca Dynes, adding that the state’s capital city was depressing enough without anyone calling it the “home of the WNBA-champion Indiana Fever.” “On top of a famous race track, a nonexistent nightlife, and our sorry excuse for a skyline, now we have a WNBA title to be ashamed of too? Plus, you know it won’t be long before those pitiful victory boards start popping up next to every dismal highway.” At press time, city officials confirmed they had approved plans to rename a downtown street “Fever Boulevard.”

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