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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Wolf Blitzer Decks Boston Man Who Hasn’t Been Healed By Red Sox Baseball

BOSTON—In a CNN segment titled “The Healing Power of Sports,” a visibly angered Wolf Blitzer reportedly decked a Boston man Sunday who claimed that, while Red Sox baseball was certainly a welcome distraction from the events of last week’s bombing, it hasn’t relieved him of his tremendous sadness and grief. “What do you mean you aren’t completely healed? The team you love played a baseball game! Feel better!” said a frustrated Blitzer, who told the man he was “ruining the feel-good narrative we’re trying to construct” before delivering a hard right cross to his face. “Baseball means normalcy, so you should feel normal now. You got the National Anthem, David Ortiz gave a rousing speech, people yelled ‘Get your hot dog here!’ What more do you need to get over the fact that your freedom and liberty were taken away in an instant?” Before falling unconscious, the beaten man reportedly managed to answer Blitzer by saying, “Time.”

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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