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Woman Angered When Veiled Anger Expressed As Mock Anger Is Interpreted As Real Anger

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Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

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KNOXVILLE, TN—Questioning how the bird could have possibly ended up more than 300 miles from the nearest ocean, sources confirmed Friday that a seagull that was spotted this far inland must be a total fuckup.

Only News Source Man Trusts Has Logo Of Eyeball In Crosshairs

FULLERTON, CA—Noting that he relies upon the website every day to keep himself apprised of important national and global events, sources confirmed Thursday that the only news outlet local man Andrew Howland trusts uses an image of an eyeball in crosshairs as its logo.

Man Approaches Unfamiliar Shower Knobs Like He Breaking Wild Stallion

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Approaching the strange bathing controls with caution before gingerly laying both hands upon them, 37-year-old Matthew Dolan took on a pair of unfamiliar shower knobs while visiting an old college friend’s home Thursday like he was breaking an untamed stallion of the wild West, sources reported.

Wedding Photographer Keeps Calling Bride’s Parents ‘Mom’ And ‘Dad’

CHARLOTTE, NC—Despite having just met the middle-aged couple earlier that afternoon, local wedding photographer Bob Dennison kept referring to the bride’s parents as “Mom” and “Dad” throughout the Lambert-Carrillo wedding Saturday, sources reported. “All right, I need Mom and Dad standing right here in front of the rosebush.
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Woman Angered When Veiled Anger Expressed As Mock Anger Is Interpreted As Real Anger

CHEEKTOWAGA, NY—Anger was the order of the day Tuesday, when area resident Gwen McCullers, 41, reacted angrily to husband Craig's insinuation that she was angry. Sources report that real anger over an inexpensive, thoughtless anniversary gift surfaced in the form of thinly veiled mock anger on the part of Gwen, who suggested to Craig that "another goddamn cheap beaded car seat" would be a suitable gift for his mother's 70th birthday. Gwen's veiled anger, which she disguised as mock anger, turned to openly displayed real anger when Craig responded, "What? You said you didn't want to make a big deal out of the anniversary." After 15 minutes of discussing the various complexities, emotional underpinnings and larger implications of the previous discussion, both parties walked off angrily. "I was just pretending to be angry as a little joke," Gwen said angrily.

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