Woman Apparently Wants To Smell Edible

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Vol 49 Issue 31

Global Warming Making People More Violent

A study published in the journal Science found that extremely hot and dry weather resulted in greater levels of conflict, and posited that for every degree Fahrenheit increase in average temperature, violent crime in the U.S.

Reading Rainbow Trout

PBS 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Job Growth Remains Sluggish, Or Rather, Akin To A Slug

WASHINGTON—Despite recent hopes that the lifeless U.S. employment climate may at last be turning a corner, a new report issued Friday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that nationwide job growth remains sluggish, or rather, akin to a slug in i...

Highlights From Ariel Castro’s Courtroom Statement

Ariel Castro, the 53-year-old Cleveland man who abducted, imprisoned, and repeatedly raped three women over the course of 11 years, made a brief statement during a court hearing Thursday, shortly before he was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Texas Running Out Of Execution Drug

A spokesman for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice confirmed that the state, which has the nation’s highest rate of executions, is running low on the lethal injection drug pentobarbital and would exhaust its supply in September.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Innovation

Woman Apparently Wants To Smell Edible

SAN FRANCISCO—Using such products as pineapple-scented shampoo and raspberry sorbet body wash, 28-year-old Stephanie Holden apparently likes to smell like she wants other people to eat her, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I really like this vanilla-coconut fragrance, but sometimes I like to switch it up and use this blueberry stuff I got at Sephora,” said the woman in what would seem to be a concerted effort on her part to make friends, dates, and fellow pedestrians want to place her in a bowl, put a pinch of sugar on her, and then consume her. “I just like to smell [like food, apparently].” At press time, Holden’s milk-chocolate-scented hair was being gnawed on by three of her coworkers.

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