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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Woman Beginning To Suspect Husband Having Second Affair

CLEVELAND—Saying that he has lately grown even more distant and secretive than usual, local woman Joyce Reynolds, 46, confided to reporters Monday that she has started to suspect her husband may be carrying on a second extramarital affair. “I can hear him whispering on the phone in the living room, and when I pick up the phone in the kitchen I can’t recognize the voice on the other end,” Reynolds said of her husband, 48-year-old Dan Reynolds, adding that she found a brand-new wristwatch in his desk drawer last week that was “way too gaudy” to be a gift from [mistress] Jessica [Schwartz]. “Lately he’s been saying he has to work late on Wednesdays, and he used to only tell me that on Thursdays, when he sees Jessica. Then last week when I was doing laundry, I went through his pockets and discovered he’s been carrying a third cell phone.” Reynolds also noted that the last time she tailed Schwartz’s car to see where she was going, Schwartz appeared to be tailing another woman’s car herself.

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