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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Woman Constantly Treating Herself For Once

RICHMOND, VA—After making it through her 63rd consecutive longest week ever, project manager Maureen Peltier decided on Friday to once again† treat herself to the kind of pampering everybody needs to indulge in from time to time. "Why not? I deserve it," Peltier said of the past week's pedicure, trip to the spa, box of Godiva chocolates, and two glasses of chardonnay drunk during a lunch meeting. "There's nothing wrong with spoiling myself now and again." On the way home from the spa, Peltier who decided that she had earned the right to go off her diet just this once, pulled into a McDonald's, and ordered the usual.

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