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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Woman Constantly Treating Herself For Once

RICHMOND, VA—After making it through her 63rd consecutive longest week ever, project manager Maureen Peltier decided on Friday to once again† treat herself to the kind of pampering everybody needs to indulge in from time to time. "Why not? I deserve it," Peltier said of the past week's pedicure, trip to the spa, box of Godiva chocolates, and two glasses of chardonnay drunk during a lunch meeting. "There's nothing wrong with spoiling myself now and again." On the way home from the spa, Peltier who decided that she had earned the right to go off her diet just this once, pulled into a McDonald's, and ordered the usual.

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