adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Woman, Gay Best Friend Go On Another One Of Their Little Adventures

The fun-loving duo in the midst of another one of their crazy escapades.
The fun-loving duo in the midst of another one of their crazy escapades.

PASADENA, CA—With the intention of letting loose, hitting the town, and maybe even "getting into a little mischief," Christine Fehrman, 33, and her closest gay friend Paul Daganais, 28, have embarked on yet another one of their special little adventures, sources confirmed Thursday.

The latest in an ongoing series of spirited, anything-goes escapades, the day reportedly began with its usual hour of preparation at Fehrman's apartment, where the pair cycled through dozens of potential wardrobe combinations, covering the floor with clothing and accessories Daganais emphatically rejected as "not fun enough."

"After the amazing time we had last weekend eating crostini and browsing through Forever 21 together, I was just counting down the minutes until Paul's car pulled up and we could do it all over again," said Fehrman, adding that, as usual, she planned to document every step of the ever-so-precious trip with Instagram. "He's one of my only guy friends I can just forget about everything and be crazy spontaneous with."

"One minute we could be eating lobster rolls at a food truck, and the next we're kicking off our shoes for barefoot cartwheels in the park," she continued. "You just never know where the day is going to go with Paul."

According to sources, in what has become a standard ritual during their carefree little excursions, the two got in the mood en route to their first engagement of the day—brunch at a Peruvian café Fehrman saw advertised on Groupon—by rolling down the windows of Daganais' car and unself-consciously singing along to a playlist that alternated between Adele and Florence + the Machine.

Following brief back-and-forth banter about what it would be like if they dated, the two were overheard discussing whether to stroll by a nearby street fair, split a couple of mini éclairs, or get lemon-walnut foot scrubs at the local day spa, saying they didn't want to rule out the possibility of ducking into an expensive boutique so they could try on floppy hats and sunglasses "just because."

Sources estimated that over the six hours they spent together, Daganais playfully called Fehrman a bitch 9 times, while she called him a slut 14 times—a tally believed to be about average for one of their little Saturday to-dos.

"Fair warning, everybody better watch out, because [Paul] and [Christine] are on the loose again," said Daganais, using nicknames the self-described best friends in the world had made up for each other during one of their previous fancy-free romps. "Maybe this time we'll stumble upon the perfect little cheese shop, or start a spontaneous two-person dance party at the mall, or waste $20 doing silly poses in a photo booth—who knows?"

"As usual, we'll probably figure out where we're going once we get there," he added.

After riding through the park on rented bicycles, sampling artisanal cocktails at a local bar, and talking trash about the despised boyfriend of their mutual friend Charlotte while simultaneously expressing concern for Charlotte's troublesome relationship hang-ups, the pair reportedly wound up at a hidden gem of a restaurant they'd been talking about all week, where they enjoyed beet and goat cheese salads, both ordering dressing on the side.

"We don't always achieve what we set out to do, but that's part of the fun for me," Fehrman said. "Really as long as Paul and I are spending time together, we could be trapped in a cave for all I care."

Expecting to be famished and exhausted by the end of their daylong frolic, Fehrman and Daganais said they planned to return to one of their apartments, whip up a batch of their favorite double-chocolate-chip cookies, and cuddle on the couch in front of Strictly Ballroom, as they always do at the end of these things.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close