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Woman Mad Boyfriend Not Jealous She Danced With Other Guy

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Woman Mad Boyfriend Not Jealous She Danced With Other Guy

WEST LAFAYETTE, IN—Deborah Raskin, 20, became angry Saturday when boyfriend Kris Barros failed to become jealous over her dancing with another guy. "She was being all quiet and staring at the wall, and she wouldn't tell me what it was all about," Barros said shortly after leaving the party. "Finally, I realized, shit, I was supposed to get all mad and make some big scene because she danced with that one dude before." Barros promised Raskin that he would make more of an effort to be jealous in the future.

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