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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Woman Tragically Succumbs To Natural Hair Color

LOS FELIZ, CA—After nearly six years of expensive treatments and dozens of visits to top professional stylists, local woman Denise LaMarck, 32, tragically succumbed to her natural hair color, her friends reported this morning. “She fought valiantly against her brown hair for a long time, but no matter how hard she tried to beat it, her roots just kept coming back, month after month,” childhood friend Brittany Smith told reporters, noting that LaMarck would often appear blonde and happy for weeks on end before her natural shade would suddenly reappear, prompting her to rush back to the salon for an emergency touchup. “In the beginning she looked great—you would never guess she was a natural brunette unless she brought it up. But all those harsh chemicals and that constant foiling took a devastating physical toll, and she could only endure so much. In the end, she decided to just make peace with her hair color, discontinue her treatments, and let it grow out all the way.” Friends said they will always keep around a picture of LaMarck as a blonde so they can remember her “the way she would have wanted.”

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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