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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Woman Turns Down $50 Million Offer From Professional Steeplechase League To Participate In Olympics

BEIJING—In a rare show of selflessness not often seen in sports, Norwegian Olympic steeplechase competitor Kristine Engeset told reporters Monday that she has turned down the four-year, $50 million offer from the New York WaterJumps—the National Woman's Steeplechase League's most elite team—in order to retain her amateur status and participate in the Beijing Olympics. "Yes, the NWSL offers national exposure, you get to travel to over 30 different cities in the United States and Canada, and you make the big money, but for me, the chance to represent your country is the ultimate privilege," said Engeset after a midday workout consisting of two hours of barrier jumping. "I told myself, the money for good steeplechasers will always be there, but the Olympics is the Olympics." According to NWSL's commissioner David Sizemore, Engeset may have another chance to participate in the Games if she turns pro in America, as there is strong national interest in sending a dream team of professional steeplechasers to London in 2012.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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