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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Woman Who Had Almost Formed Healthy Sense Of Self Rejoins Social Media

OVERLAND PARK, KS—Having reportedly developed an increased sense of satisfaction with her body image, career, relationship status, and overall identity in recent months, area woman Katie Baransky came remarkably close to forming a well-adjusted, positive sense of self before rejoining social media Tuesday morning, sources confirmed. “I was thinking I might just get back on Facebook, maybe Instagram, and just casually check in from time to time,” said the 29-year-old woman whose self-esteem was right on the cusp of being healthy and is now mere days away from once again plummeting into a veritable maelstrom of jealousy, neediness, and self-loathing. “I’m just going to use it to keep in touch with friends and see what people are up to. It’s supposed to be a fun little diversion, you know? And that’s what it’s going to be for me this time.” At press time, Baransky was angrily clicking through all 43 pictures in the Facebook wedding album of a person she went to high school with while wondering why no one was “liking” her most recent status update.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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