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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Woman Who Left Room Crying Earlier Expects To Jump Back Into Party Just Like That

RUTLAND, VT—Despite being seen weeping as she left the room 15 minutes ago, area woman Rebecca Fordham, 35, apparently expects to easily and unobtrusively slip right back into the party and continue socializing as if nothing had happened, sources confirmed Saturday evening. “Oh, hey guys,” said Fordham, somehow thinking she could casually just re-enter a lighthearted party conversation like everything was normal, despite her eyes now being visibly red and puffy from sobbing audibly through a locked bedroom door. “What’s everybody drinking?” At press time, sources said Fordham had excused herself from a group of friends, entered the bathroom, and begun crying again.

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