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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Woman With Low Self-Esteem Boosts Area Man's Self-Esteem

SACRAMENTO, CA—Out-of-work tower operator Fred Jenkins, 35, who has lacked self-worth since being laid off in late 2004, found his confidence restored in a relationship with fellow AA member Stacy Lynn Parke, 33. "Stacy's so amazing—it's been so nice to have someone to take care of me and tell me how special I am," Jenkins said of Parke, a part-time Hallmark Store clerk who has attempted suicide three times. "I guess sometimes all you need is for another person to make you feel good about yourself, unconditionally." Jenkins also noted that Parke "made it seem that being laid off wasn't that big a deal" and that "sometimes she worries about me so much she just cries herself to sleep."
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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