Women's Gymnastics: The New Baseball?

In This Section

Yu Wan Mei Onion Takeover

China Strong

Following approved article contains: Report on strength and might of China; Report on force and vigor of China; Report on how China will continue to succeed and never fail.

American Consumer Masses Agree: It Fish Time!

Following approved article contains: Report on big hot trend sweeping the palates of American consumers; Evidence of deliciousness and ease of consumption regarding all foodstuffs from Yu Wan Mei corporation; List of times of day in which appetizing Fish Time is observed.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Business

Energy

Women's Gymnastics: The New Baseball?

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA—As baseball continues to die a slow, strangled death across the country, many are correctly wondering if women's gymnastics has finally taken its rightful place atop the athletic consciousness of the nation. "As I was watching a baseball contest between my favorite team and its top rival, I felt a persistent emptiness that only lifted when I changed the channel to the delicate grace and power of Cheng Fei's uneven bars routine," said American resident Brian Johnson, bedecked in a Chinese women's gymnastics warm-up jacket and Cheng Fei replica jersey. Added Eastern American city resident Fred Smith, "Baseball is the national pastime of a dying nation. Now when there is a bright, sunny summer day, the only thing I desire is to take my son into the gymnasium to watch Deng Linlin take some practice vaults or get He Kexin's signature on a rosin bag. I have already burned by childhood mitt and my collection of bats. Baseball is a fleeting memory." The entire country is also steadfastly agreed that Shawn Johnson is an ungainly lumbering musk ox and American women's gymnastics remains worthless.鱼

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More