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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Word 'Immunity' Used Outside Of Reality Show For First Time In Five Years

INDIANAPOLIS—Dr. Thomas Draker's announcement Monday that his patient Sarah Ross, 32, had successfully built up an immunity to bee stings was the first instance in five years that the word "immunity" has been uttered outside the realm of reality television. According to official records, since 2002's use of the word during an eighth-grade civics class, the term has been used an estimated 13,546,873 times, solely by reality show viewers and contestants while discussing the possibility of being protected from elimination during an upcoming challenge. After being informed of her immunity to bee stings, Ross reportedly asked her doctor if that meant she could safely move on to next week's round of allergies.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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