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Worker Told To Have Fun Operating Shake Machine

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Worker Told To Have Fun Operating Shake Machine

SACRAMENTO, CA—Moments before being left in charge of the four-flavor Freez-King™ shake machine at the Folsom Boulevard Arby's Monday, recent hire Felicia Alexander was told to have fun. "Knock yourself out," shift manager Barry Rundell said to Alexander at the beginning of lunch rush. "Just remember to give the Jamocha lever a little wiggle if it gets stuck. Other than that, bombs away." Rundell has previously instructed trainees to "go nuts" at the deep fryer, "indulge yourself" mopping spilled soda off the floor in the dining area, and "have a gay springtime carnival" wiping vomit off the seat of the men's-room toilet.

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