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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Worker Told To Have Fun Operating Shake Machine

SACRAMENTO, CA—Moments before being left in charge of the four-flavor Freez-King™ shake machine at the Folsom Boulevard Arby's Monday, recent hire Felicia Alexander was told to have fun. "Knock yourself out," shift manager Barry Rundell said to Alexander at the beginning of lunch rush. "Just remember to give the Jamocha lever a little wiggle if it gets stuck. Other than that, bombs away." Rundell has previously instructed trainees to "go nuts" at the deep fryer, "indulge yourself" mopping spilled soda off the floor in the dining area, and "have a gay springtime carnival" wiping vomit off the seat of the men's-room toilet.

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