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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Working Artist Has Developed Thick Skin For Sound Career Advice

RICHMOND, VA—Refusing to let constructive, practical advice get him down, painter-sculptor Marcus Chilton told reporters Wednesday that he has developed pretty thick skin for the countless pieces of sound career guidance that friends and family have attempted to give him over the last five years. “To stay focused on your art, you have to just tune people out when they start telling you all the reasonable, highly informed ways you should invest your earnings, start a retirement account, or otherwise supplement your income,” said Chilton, adding that while he initially dwelled on the logical, well-thought-out recommendations others offered him, over time he has gradually become impervious to all helpful suggestions and sensible recommendations. “It’s not easy, but after a while you just have to put on the blinders and shrug off all the insightful advice that, if implemented, would help you live more comfortably and thrive as an artist.” Chilton added that he has also developed a thick skin for people who look at the prices of his artwork, scoff, and then walk out of his studio.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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