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Working Artist Has Developed Thick Skin For Sound Career Advice

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Working Artist Has Developed Thick Skin For Sound Career Advice

RICHMOND, VA—Refusing to let constructive, practical advice get him down, painter-sculptor Marcus Chilton told reporters Wednesday that he has developed pretty thick skin for the countless pieces of sound career guidance that friends and family have attempted to give him over the last five years. “To stay focused on your art, you have to just tune people out when they start telling you all the reasonable, highly informed ways you should invest your earnings, start a retirement account, or otherwise supplement your income,” said Chilton, adding that while he initially dwelled on the logical, well-thought-out recommendations others offered him, over time he has gradually become impervious to all helpful suggestions and sensible recommendations. “It’s not easy, but after a while you just have to put on the blinders and shrug off all the insightful advice that, if implemented, would help you live more comfortably and thrive as an artist.” Chilton added that he has also developed a thick skin for people who look at the prices of his artwork, scoff, and then walk out of his studio.

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