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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

World Covers Ears, Chants Loudly As EPA Releases Ozone-Depletion Statistics

WASHINGTON, DC–The EPA released an alarming set of findings on global ozone depletion Monday, prompting the world's six billion inhabitants to cover their ears and chant, "Na, na, na, na, na, na! I'm not listening to youuuu!" Added humanity: "Doop-de-doop-de-dooooooo!" A large portion of North America was also observed rocking back and forth while humming upon hearing the report.

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