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World Health Organization Adds Gunfire, Explosions To List Of Natural Causes Of Death

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Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

Viewers Impressed By How Male Trump Looked During Debate

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World Health Organization Adds Gunfire, Explosions To List Of Natural Causes Of Death

GENEVA—Explaining that fatalities attributable to such afflictions had become prevalent among a wide variety of populations across the globe, the World Health Organization announced Wednesday that the group had added gunfire and explosions to its official list of natural causes of death. “As we compile data going forward, any individual whose death results from a mass shooting, bombing, or any combination of the two will be considered as having succumbed to natural causes,” said WHO director-general Margaret Chan, noting that fatal wounds caused by bullets, shrapnel, and other ricocheting debris would be counted alongside heart disease, organ failure, and other age-associated diseases as natural threats to the human body. “Suffering multiple gunshot wounds or being in the vicinity of a suicide bomber, car bomb, or IED are completely commonplace maladies faced by people of all ages and ethnicities. Statistically, it no longer makes sense for us to include them with accidents, drownings, or any other non-natural causes of death.” Chan added that the organization would launch a campaign aimed at raising awareness among individuals especially at risk of contracting fatal gunfire and explosions, including the young, adults, the elderly, residents in urban and rural areas, and those in both industrialized and impoverished nations.

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