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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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World Health Organization Adds Gunfire, Explosions To List Of Natural Causes Of Death

GENEVA—Explaining that fatalities attributable to such afflictions had become prevalent among a wide variety of populations across the globe, the World Health Organization announced Wednesday that the group had added gunfire and explosions to its official list of natural causes of death. “As we compile data going forward, any individual whose death results from a mass shooting, bombing, or any combination of the two will be considered as having succumbed to natural causes,” said WHO director-general Margaret Chan, noting that fatal wounds caused by bullets, shrapnel, and other ricocheting debris would be counted alongside heart disease, organ failure, and other age-associated diseases as natural threats to the human body. “Suffering multiple gunshot wounds or being in the vicinity of a suicide bomber, car bomb, or IED are completely commonplace maladies faced by people of all ages and ethnicities. Statistically, it no longer makes sense for us to include them with accidents, drownings, or any other non-natural causes of death.” Chan added that the organization would launch a campaign aimed at raising awareness among individuals especially at risk of contracting fatal gunfire and explosions, including the young, adults, the elderly, residents in urban and rural areas, and those in both industrialized and impoverished nations.

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