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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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World Inspired By First Snowman To Win Luge

VANCOUVER—In what has become the most inspiring story at the XXI Winter Olympiad, the luge was won Sunday by the most unlikely of competitors: Tom, a snowman rolled together just two days earlier by the Kansy family of Vancouver. "Another barrier falls, marking a historic day for iced people everywhere," was the call from NBC's Bob Costas as Tom took the top spot on the Olympic victory podium. "Tom has proven it matters not the composition of your skin, only whether you are capable of competing at the highest possible level. He entered these Olympics as Tom the Snowman, but history will remember him as Tom the Luger." Tom was unavailable for comment as the Kansy family had only given him a twig for a mouth.

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