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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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World Series Flyover Turns Out To Be Full-Scale Airstrike

BOSTON—Chaos and destruction marred the opening of the World Series when Air Force B-52 bombers scheduled to make a ceremonial flight over the stadium before the start of Game 1 instead executed a series of low-level carpet-bombing runs and dropped an estimated 500 tons of incendiary and high-explosive munitions, utterly destroying Boston's historic Fenway Park. "It was horrifying—I was expecting four or five planes, but they just kept coming over the right-field stands, and suddenly the sky was full of bombs," said Anthony DiSilva, a Boston fireman who was in attendance with his wife and two sons when the first wave of aircraft targeted the ballpark. "When they hit, the earth just convulsed… I saw gouts of fire erupt from the stands, watched the Sox dugout collapse like a kicked anthill, and then we were engulfed in sheets of flame. It's a miracle no one was hurt." The Air Force has issued an apology for the oversight and is sending disaster relief personnel to help the grounds crew prepare the park for Game 2.

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