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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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World Series Sub-Subplot Involves Yogi Berra Driving Through Philadelphia In 1953

NEW YORK—Alex Rodriguez's first World Series appearance and the Philadelphia Phillies' attempt to repeat as champions may have emerged as the dominant October subplots, but ESPN baseball analyst Peter Gammons said Tuesday that another fascinating angle of the 2009 Fall Classic is a sub-subplot involving Hall of Famer Yogi Berra's brief drive through Philadelphia during a trip to Washington, D.C. in 1953. "It just goes to show you how much history these teams have," Gammons said on Baseball Tonight following a seven-minute segment detailing a wrong turn off I-95 by the former Yankees catcher. "Imagine, 56 years and four months to the day before CC Sabathia starts Game 1 of the World Series, Yogi Berra was actually in Philadelphia and may have passed by the Liberty Bell. I'm not saying the Series will come down to this, but it's definitely something to keep in mind." Gammons added that a sub-sub-subplot for fans to watch involves former Yankee Scott Brosius, who attended high school with Meryl Fornadel, aunt of Helen Fornadel, who was the principal of Canyon View Elementary School, which is in the same San Diego school district as the elementary school Cole Hamels attended.

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