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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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World Series Sub-Subplot Involves Yogi Berra Driving Through Philadelphia In 1953

NEW YORK—Alex Rodriguez's first World Series appearance and the Philadelphia Phillies' attempt to repeat as champions may have emerged as the dominant October subplots, but ESPN baseball analyst Peter Gammons said Tuesday that another fascinating angle of the 2009 Fall Classic is a sub-subplot involving Hall of Famer Yogi Berra's brief drive through Philadelphia during a trip to Washington, D.C. in 1953. "It just goes to show you how much history these teams have," Gammons said on Baseball Tonight following a seven-minute segment detailing a wrong turn off I-95 by the former Yankees catcher. "Imagine, 56 years and four months to the day before CC Sabathia starts Game 1 of the World Series, Yogi Berra was actually in Philadelphia and may have passed by the Liberty Bell. I'm not saying the Series will come down to this, but it's definitely something to keep in mind." Gammons added that a sub-sub-subplot for fans to watch involves former Yankee Scott Brosius, who attended high school with Meryl Fornadel, aunt of Helen Fornadel, who was the principal of Canyon View Elementary School, which is in the same San Diego school district as the elementary school Cole Hamels attended.

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