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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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World War II Documentary Suffused With Anti-Nazi Undertones

NEWTON, MA—Calling its rhetoric one-sided and tendentious, viewers of the World War II documentary Total War told reporters Friday that the film’s language and imagery reflected an unmistakable anti-Nazi bias. “When they call the Third Reich ‘brutal’ and then play that sinister music in the background, you start to wonder if the filmmakers may have come to this project with a certain agenda already in mind,” said Mike Kuldell, 43, explaining that the documentary had “a pretty clear Allied slant” to it. “Any pretense of objectivity is out the window by the time they start talking about the ‘Nazi menace’ and how Hitler’s speeches were ‘full of hate.’ It’s so heavy-handed. Why can’t they just lay out the facts and let me draw my own conclusions?” Sources confirmed that by its end, Total War had devolved into a shameless hit piece that actually seemed to take a kind of sadistic pleasure in Hitler’s demise.

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