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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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World War II Documentary Suffused With Anti-Nazi Undertones

NEWTON, MA—Calling its rhetoric one-sided and tendentious, viewers of the World War II documentary Total War told reporters Friday that the film’s language and imagery reflected an unmistakable anti-Nazi bias. “When they call the Third Reich ‘brutal’ and then play that sinister music in the background, you start to wonder if the filmmakers may have come to this project with a certain agenda already in mind,” said Mike Kuldell, 43, explaining that the documentary had “a pretty clear Allied slant” to it. “Any pretense of objectivity is out the window by the time they start talking about the ‘Nazi menace’ and how Hitler’s speeches were ‘full of hate.’ It’s so heavy-handed. Why can’t they just lay out the facts and let me draw my own conclusions?” Sources confirmed that by its end, Total War had devolved into a shameless hit piece that actually seemed to take a kind of sadistic pleasure in Hitler’s demise.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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