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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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World-Weary Man Bitterly Rents Mercury Rising

BELLINGHAM, WA–Forced to choose a Saturday-evening entertainment option, exhausted consumer Glenn Waters bitterly rented the 1998 film Mercury Rising. "I suppose this will do," said the spiritually drained Waters, selecting the Bruce Willis action thriller from the "New Releases" section of a Bellingham-area Blockbuster Video. "The cars will explode, the bombs will be narrowly defused, and I will be entertained. I have little choice in the matter." In the past, Waters has bitterly chosen such entertainment options as Dr. Dolittle, The Rock, Veronica's Closet and Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing."

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