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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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World-Weary Man Bitterly Rents Mercury Rising

BELLINGHAM, WA–Forced to choose a Saturday-evening entertainment option, exhausted consumer Glenn Waters bitterly rented the 1998 film Mercury Rising. "I suppose this will do," said the spiritually drained Waters, selecting the Bruce Willis action thriller from the "New Releases" section of a Bellingham-area Blockbuster Video. "The cars will explode, the bombs will be narrowly defused, and I will be entertained. I have little choice in the matter." In the past, Waters has bitterly chosen such entertainment options as Dr. Dolittle, The Rock, Veronica's Closet and Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing."

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