World-Weary Sigh Emanates From Next Bathroom Stall

In This Section

Vol 45 Issue 44

House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents

HARTFORD, MI—On the outside it may look like any other home, but within the walls of 6535 Maple Ave. lies a terrifying secret: Every night, when the sun goes down and the moon comes out, this suburban bungalow is haunted by the restless, tormented souls of its residents, the Davidson family.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...


World-Weary Sigh Emanates From Next Bathroom Stall

SCHAUMBURG, IL—A deep, drawn-out, world-weary sigh emanated from an occupied bathroom stall at a local office building Monday, witnesses reported. The sigh, described by those who heard it as "somber," "resigned," and "a sad reminder of the crushing pain, anguish, and, ultimately, meaninglessness of life," escaped from the core of the man's being at approximately 12:32 p.m. and echoed quietly off the stall's dividers. After 30 seconds of complete silence—a brief respite from the workday which the man seated on the toilet bowl likely used to contemplate his place in this world—he flushed the toilet, emerged from the stall, forced himself to smile, and returned to his job for yet another day of monotonous, unfulfilling work.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More