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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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World Wildlife Fund Donors Receive Refund After Western Black Rhino Goes Extinct

WASHINGTON—Expressing contrition over the organization’s failure to rescue the species from critical endangerment, the World Wildlife Fund reportedly reimbursed $7 million to approximately 11,000 donors this week following the confirmed extinction of the western black rhinoceros. “We regret to inform you that the WWF was not successful in its efforts to ensure the survival of the western black rhino, and in accordance with our nonprofit’s satisfaction policy, we have attached compensation in the full dollar amount of your charitable assistance,” read the letter mailed to thousands of WWF sponsors, which included a cashier’s check refunding all donations. “We are sorry; you expected and deserved a higher level of preservation from us. We may not have been able to preserve the black rhinoceros, but we hope to preserve your trust. We sincerely hope that this doesn’t affect your readiness to give to the World Wildlife Fund in the future.” The WWF also clarified that it is willing to exchange all magnets or tote bags bearing an image or silhouette of the extinct rhinoceros for another piece of comparable merchandise.

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