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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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World's 467,357th-Ranked Tennis Player Working On Serving Overhand

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—During a practice match at the Riviera Golf and Tennis Club with his wife, Gail, Tuesday, 54-year-old Steve Cohen, the world's official 467,357th-ranked tennis player, attempted to teach himself how to serve overhand. "I can do backhands and forehands sometimes, but when it comes to serving, I just get more rallies going if I bounce it and hit it instead of trying to be fancy," said the professional tennis player, who has acquired .000000003 ATP points so far this year. "But I have to learn at some point. It's probably the only way I'll have any chance this weekend against [462,724th-ranked] Roy [Detmer]." Both Detmer and Cohen are slated to represent the United States in the Davis Cup this July.

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