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World’s Luminaries Crowd Around ‘Time’ 100 List Posted On Editor’s Door

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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World’s Luminaries Crowd Around ‘Time’ 100 List Posted On Editor’s Door

NEW YORK—Their hearts pounding, the world’s leading figures in politics, entertainment, business, and technology reportedly crowded around a sheet of paper tacked to Time managing editor Nancy Gibbs’ office door Thursday, in hopes of seeing their names on the magazine’s 100 Most Influential People list. “Oh my God, I made it!” shrieked Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen before sharing a tearful celebratory hug with actor Matthew McConaughey and Iranian president Hassan Rouhani, both of whom had also made the cut. “I just knew that if I gave it my all and kept the federal funds rate near zero, good things would happen. I’m still shaking!” At press time, an inconsolable Katie Couric was standing off to the side and talking to her mother on the phone.

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