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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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WrestleMania 29 Marred By Inconsistent Officiating

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Following the conclusion of WrestleMania 29, professional wrestling fans confirmed Sunday that the pay-per-view event was spoiled due to the erratic officiating work of the referee crew. “I know these guys have a lot on their plates, but the number of missed calls I saw was just ridiculous,” said viewer Calvin Overstreet, who expressed frustration with the World Wrestling Entertainment officials' inconsistent enforcement of the rulebook, “nonchalant” three-counts, and tendency to allow themselves to be distracted from the matches by various WWE divas perched on the ring apron. “At one point, Brock Lesnar hit Triple H with a steel folding chair and the ref didn't do a thing about it. Even if he was still disoriented from getting suplexed into the announcer’s table, he could have gone to the replay booth and gotten the call right. Unbelievable.” At press time, the WWE had reviewed the officiating at WrestleMania 29 as well as other events, and announced plans to vacate every single match result for the last 60 years.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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