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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Wrigley Field Removes Iconic Ivy From Urinal Troughs

CHICAGO—In a move that has outraged many fans who consider the vines a treasured part of Wrigley Field’s charm and unique character, the Chicago Cubs announced Friday that they would be removing the stadium’s iconic ivy from its urinal troughs. “Urinating on the famed ivy has been a cherished, time-honored tradition throughout Wrigley’s 100-year history, but we must adapt to changing times,” said team spokesman Julian Green, explaining that a much-needed overhaul of the stadium’s outdated bathroom facilities, which have long ranked last in the Major Leagues, necessitates the dismantling of the vines. “We're aiming to provide a top-quality restroom for our fans, and the unfortunate reality is that maintaining and manicuring the ivy, a process which most people don’t realize takes place before nearly every home game, comes at an enormous cost to the organization. While we will certainly miss the sight of the wet leaves glimmering in the light, we believe this is the right move for the team and our fans.” Green added that after the removal process, the Cubs will raffle off the used ivy-covered urinal cakes from the 2014 season in an effort to raise proceeds for the local Chicago Boys and Girls Club.

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