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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Writer Unwilling To Admit His Screenplay Perfect Fit For Justin Long

LOS ANGELES—Screenwriter Jeff Haynes has refused to admit that actor Justin Long would be perfect to play video game tester Pete Knowles in his new film Change Of Plans, sources confirmed Saturday. "I think this is a role someone like Leonardo DiCaprio could really sink his teeth into," said Haynes, who knows deep down that Justin Long's easygoing, boyish charm would make him ideal for the part. "We need an experienced actor who is convincing as a romantic lead, but also someone who can just cut-up and be funny." When asked if he had ever considered the possibility of Long playing the character described in his screenplay as "5-foot-8.5-inches tall, with wide eyes, bushy eyebrows, and a charismatic smile," Haynes said he hadn't, but would be okay with producers bringing the actor in for a cold read "just to see."

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