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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Writer's-Blocked Buster Olney Only Able To Write 90,000 Words On Cliff Lee

BRISTOL, CT—Citing a crippling inability to think of anything at all to say, ESPN columnist Buster Olney stared at his computer screen for five hours Friday night after typing a mere 90,000 words of background information, speculation, and analysis on free-agent pitcher Cliff Lee. "I'm completely blocked," a bleary-eyed Olney told reporters, adding that he could only muster 10,000 words on Cliff Lee's poise. "His value to a team, the impression he made in Texas, what it would mean if he were to go to the Yankees—I barely squeaked out 40,000 words on that. I just need something, anything, some sort of spark to get me going." Remembering the white spot on the bill of Cliff Lee's baseball cap inspired another 9,000 words, but Olney eventually e-mailed his editor at ESPN, called himself a hack, confessed that he didn't deserve to be called a baseball analyst anymore, and submitted 14 articles on Derek Jeter's Golden Glove selection.

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