Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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X Games Dirt Biker Forced To Make Emergency Landing After Bird Gets Caught In Engine

MINNEAPOLIS—Avoiding a potentially even greater disaster with his split-second decision-making, X Games motocross rider Nate Adams was reportedly forced to make an emergency landing Thursday after a bird flew into his engine during a jump in the Moto X Freestyle Finals. “Striking the bird right after takeoff immediately resulted in full engine failure, and at that point I had no other choice but to bring her down,” said Adams, who was halfway through performing a double backflip at an approximate altitude of 27 feet when he lost all thrust from the damaged 80cc engine and resorted to carefully gliding the bike to an improvised landing on the dirt track. “It was definitely frightening, but in moments like that you really don’t have time to panic. All you can do is trust your training and the thousands of hours of Big Air time you’ve logged. I’m just lucky the firefighters rushed to the scene in time to put out the flames before my bike exploded.” Event officials told reporters that the scary incident was a reminder of the X Games 2007 tragedy, when Best Trick participant Travis Pastrana mysteriously vanished off radar screens mid-flight and was never recovered.

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