adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

X Games To Reconsider Hurtling Men 40 Feet Into Air Atop 500-Pound Machines

ASPEN, CO—Following the death of Caleb Moore January 31 at the Winter X Games, officials announced Monday they are reconsidering events that involve hurtling competitors 40 feet in the air atop 500-pound machines. “We’ve always insisted on the highest safety standards of events requiring participants to propel a quarter-ton all-terrain machine into the air, flipping and spinning around at 50 miles per hour,” said Scott Guglielmino, ESPN’s senior VP of programming and global X events, adding that all the potential risks of the freestyle snowmobiling event that killed Moore were sufficiently considered before condoning it as a sane thing to encourage people to attempt on national television. “The fact is, we can’t stop these athletes from pushing new boundaries within these sports. That’s their choice. We just put it on television during primetime and promote it.” Early reports indicate that freestyle snowmobiling may be removed from future Winter X Games, with the leading candidate to replace it being an event that challenges athletes to drive a gasoline-soaked tractor through a flaming loop-the-loop.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close