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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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X Games To Reconsider Hurtling Men 40 Feet Into Air Atop 500-Pound Machines

ASPEN, CO—Following the death of Caleb Moore January 31 at the Winter X Games, officials announced Monday they are reconsidering events that involve hurtling competitors 40 feet in the air atop 500-pound machines. “We’ve always insisted on the highest safety standards of events requiring participants to propel a quarter-ton all-terrain machine into the air, flipping and spinning around at 50 miles per hour,” said Scott Guglielmino, ESPN’s senior VP of programming and global X events, adding that all the potential risks of the freestyle snowmobiling event that killed Moore were sufficiently considered before condoning it as a sane thing to encourage people to attempt on national television. “The fact is, we can’t stop these athletes from pushing new boundaries within these sports. That’s their choice. We just put it on television during primetime and promote it.” Early reports indicate that freestyle snowmobiling may be removed from future Winter X Games, with the leading candidate to replace it being an event that challenges athletes to drive a gasoline-soaked tractor through a flaming loop-the-loop.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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