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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Yankee Players Boo When A-Rod Shown On Jumbotron

NEW YORK—A chorus of boos accompanied by shouts of “You suck!” “Get out of town, asshole!” and “Die!” could be heard from the New York Yankees dugout Monday when Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez was briefly shown on the stadium’s jumbotron during opening day ceremonies, team sources confirmed. “You’re not a true Yankee and you never were!” Yankees second baseman Robinson Cano reportedly screamed at the center-field video screen when a stadium cameraman focused on Rodriguez, who was sitting next to Cano in the dugout at the time. “Fuck you, Fuck-Rod! You little bitch.” While Yankee players and coaches proceeded to flip off Rodriguez’s projected image, the third baseman appeared unaffected, staring straight ahead and eating sunflower seeds.

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