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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Yankees' Backup 3rd Baseman Woken Up

TAMPA, FL—His team lacking a third baseman for Tuesday's Grapefruit League game against the Reds, the Yankees' Derek Jeter reluctantly awoke backup third baseman Cody Ransom, who until that point had been sleeping peacefully at the far end of the dugout. "Hey, buddy. Hey, time to get up," Jeter whispered to Ransom, who had slept in the same spot every day since spring training began. When the journeyman responded by mumbling incoherently and readjusting the glove he was using as a pillow, Jeter was forced to take a firmer but still gentle tone, telling Ransom that "today is a big day for you" and that "we need you out in the field to pick up all the grounders and bat ninth and everything, okay, big guy?" Ransom responded by stretching deeply, opening one eye, and asking Jeter what day it was and why everyone looked so worried.

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