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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Yankees Boost Payroll By Signing A-Rod Again

NEW YORK—Continuing a high-spending offseason that has seen the team sign free agents CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, and Mark Teixeira to lucrative contracts, the New York Yankees dipped into their pocketbook once again to sign Alex Rodriguez to another 10-year, $275 million deal. "This contract will run concurrent to the 10-year, $275 million contract we signed with Alex last winter," said Yanks' GM Brian Cashman, who announced that the deal includes the option for yet another 7-year, $175 million deal. "This gives us some more flexibility in the 2018 season. We hit a stumbling block when [agent] Scott [Boras] insisted we reinstitute the last three years of the deal Alex opted out of, but then we decided to just throw $75 million in there. Alex is a great player, and we think his new contract will be a great addition to our payroll." Reports indicate the Yankees have entered negotiations to once again sign Derek Jeter, CC Sabathia, and Alex Rodriguez.

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