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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Yankees Fans Turn On Mariano Rivera After Spat With Wildly Popular Joba Chamberlain

NEW YORK—Following the pair’s highly publicized confrontation before a game last week, New York Yankees closer Mariano Rivera reportedly felt the full wrath of fans Tuesday evening for crossing widely beloved Yankees icon Joba Chamberlain. “Nobody messes with Joba around here and gets away with it,” said 46-year-old lifelong fan Chris Ferland, one of thousands loudly booing Rivera during the team’s game against the Seattle Mariners before chants of “Joba” erupted around Yankee Stadium. “Joba Chamberlain is the heart and soul of the Yankees—when you think of the pinstripes, you think Chamberlain. That Rivera guy better learn his place and show some damn respect.” According to sources, the backlash, while fierce, still pales in comparison to fan outrage when shortstop Derek Jeter reportedly had a falling out with Yankees legend Alex Rodriguez in 2006.

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