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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Yankees Honor Derek Jeter, Retire His Number, Forcibly Remove Him From Stadium

NEW YORK—In a farewell ceremony before the team’s Tuesday night game against the Rays, the New York Yankees paid tribute to longtime shortstop Derek Jeter by officially retiring his number and then forcibly escorting him out of the stadium, sources confirmed. “Over 18 incredible seasons, Derek was one of the best players baseball has ever seen, and his amazing career speaks for itself,” Yankees GM Brian Cashman said to the crowd as he walked Jeter—who repeatedly looked around in confusion—to center field while former teammates Jorge Posada, Paul O’Neill, and Bernie Williams unveiled the number 2 jersey in Monument Park. “While we’re all sad that this is his last appearance at Yankee Stadium, none of us will ever forget his amazing contributions to this ball club. It’ll be strange not seeing you out there anymore, Derek, but you’ll always be remembered as an all-time Yankee great. So let’s hear it one last time for our captain, Derek Jeter!” The ceremony reportedly concluded as security guards took Jeter’s hand and waved it to the crowd, dragged him inside the stadium against his will, and then shoved him out into the parking lot.

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