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The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Yankees Lose World Series

NEW YORK (Oct. 27)—Many baseball fans were disappointed Wednesday when the New York Yankees, 26-time world champions and the highest-paid team in baseball, did not win the 2004 World Series.

The 2004 champion non-Yankees celebrate after the final out of Game 4.

"I really thought they were going to pull this one off in the end,"Joe Oliver said, speaking from the Midtown oyster bar where he watched the final game with a group of fellow Yankees fans. "But it just wasn't in the cards. At end, the Yankees didn't even make a single run the entire final game. They didn't even get on base."

Added Oliver: "In many ways, this is worse than going to the Series and then losing it, like we did last year."

Owner George Steinbrenner has vowed to rebuild the team for next season by wooing the top players away from the team that won the Fall Classic, a process he said will begin just as soon as someone tells him which team won the Fall Classic.

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