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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Yankees Running For Dear Life After Foul Ball Smashes Into Hornet’s Nest

NEW YORK—Frantically scattering in every direction to avoid being stung by the agitated swarm, members of the New York Yankees were running for dear life after a foul ball hit by Blue Jays shortstop Troy Tulowitzki smashed into a hornet’s nest hanging from the outfield wall, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, get away,” left fielder Brett Gardner reportedly shouted before hurling his glove toward the pursuing hornets and sprinting to the safety of the Blue Jays dugout as panicking third baseman Chase Headley wildly swung his cap to keep the wasps at bay. “Guys, I can’t get stung. I’m allergic. Fuck!” At press time, sources confirmed shortstop Starlin Castro had run out of the stadium and was sprinting down Jerome Avenue.

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