adBlockCheck

Sports

Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News

Yankees Sign 16-Year-Old GM Prospect Out Of The Dominican

NEW YORK—Calling the 16-year-old international free agent "the next great general manager," the New York Yankees announced the signing of the Dominican Republic's Eduardo Morales Monday. "We've had our eye on [Morales] since he was a vice president of baseball operations for his youth league team," said Yankees' scouting director Damon Oppenheimer, who appointed the prospect as general manager of the Single-A Staten Island club. "This is a five-tool general manger we've got here: free agent contract negotiation, trading, drafting, Rule 5 drafting, and ballpark administration. And he's certainly not afraid to shake up a roster. As they say in the Dominican, you don't stand pat at the trading deadline to get off the island." As for the disappointing performance of current general manager Brian Cashman, Oppenheimer announced he would be put in a strict platoon with assistant GM Jean Afterman and may soon be relegated to pinch-general-managing duties.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close