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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Yankees To Build Stadiums In Every MLB City For Away Games

NEW YORK—Yankee officials announced plans Monday to construct state-of-the-art, multimillion-dollar Yankee Stadium replicas in every MLB city, allowing Yankee players to experience the same first-class amenities and home-field advantage they currently enjoy during the other 81 games of the season. "The New York Yankees are a proud, venerable franchise that should never have to be subjected to artificial turf, domes, other teams' logos, or anything unfamiliar or unfavorable," said president Hank Steinbrenner, noting that the new Yankee Stadium scheduled to open in 2009 is so beautiful and spacious that it would be a waste to only use it for half a season. "Each of the 29 new Yankee Stadiums will feature Yankee Stadium's signature white upper-deck façade as well as the historic Monument Park, and all games played in them will count as Yankee home games, as 51,000 Yankee fans will be bussed in from New York to attend them." The Yankees also plan to build Yankee Stadiums in every single international city just in case Major League Baseball ever decides to hold their season opener there.

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