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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Yankees Warn Eduardo Nunez To Stop Showing Up Derek Jeter By Making Routine Plays At Shortstop

NEW YORK—Multiple reports from within the New York Yankees clubhouse confirmed Saturday that team officials have warned shortstop Eduardo Nunez to stop showing up injured team captain Derek Jeter by making routine plays in the field and at the plate. “Every cleanly fielded ground ball sends a pretty strong message that Eduardo is trying to upstage Derek,” said Yankees manager Joe Girardi, who blasted Nunez for having the audacity to turn a double play without a throwing error, claiming the commonplace display of physical capabilities clearly reminds fans of Jeter’s advancing age and declining skills. “He needs to just cut it out; he’s making Derek look bad. Last week, when Eduardo legged out an infield single, that was like a direct slap in the face to our team captain.” Girardi, however, lauded third baseman Kevin Youkilis for helping everybody forget that Alex Rodriguez is still on the team.

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