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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Yao Ming's Self-Written Wedding Vows Include How He Loves The Top Of His Wife's Head

SHANGHAI—Houston Rockets and Chinese national team center Yao Ming, 7'6",  married his longtime 6'3" girlfriend, Ye Li, last week in a ceremony for which Yao wrote  nuptial vows praising, among other things, the top of Ye's head. "Ye, my beloved, to glimpse the onyx brilliance of the top of your head sends through me a rush of love strong enough to lift a thousand mountains," Yao intoned nervously yet earnestly as he gazed almost straight down into Ye's eyes. "And your dear sweet shoulders are like two tiny, distant doves nesting beneath that deep abiding well of wisdom and kindness." Yao's poetic efforts were obviously much appreciated by his beaming wife and generally well-received by family and friends, although Yao seemed annoyed when asked by American sports reporters if Ye's feet "looked like they'd been bound when seen from all the way up there."

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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