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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Years Of Networking, Glad-Handing Sabotaged By Coworker's Good Idea

SEATTLE—After devoting nearly a decade of his life to brown-nosing and back-scratching every person who might have the authority to promote him, 38-year-old Westlake Electronic Supplies employee Benjamin Golliver saw his professional ambitions shattered Monday by a coworker's single good idea. "I feigned interest in people's children, I took squash lessons, I went on a three-day kayak trip to Puget Sound, and for what?" Golliver asked. "So goddamn Bill Belgiorno could swoop in with his sound, resourceful plan to reduce corporate travel costs and snatch the assistant manager of operations position right out from under me? What a sick, backwards world we live in." Golliver said he plans to respond to the incident by spending the next five years furiously sucking up to assistant manager of operations William T. Belgiorno.

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