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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Yelena Isinbayeva

Track and Field, Pole Vault — Russia

Technique: So flawless nobody has noticed the numerous optical illusions she applies to add an extra 4 feet to her jumps

Doesn’t Matter What People Say: Is still no Svetlana Feofanova

Equipment: Signature-model Nike poles used by every young female pole-vaulter in Russia

Childhood: Trained for three hours every day by vaulting onto parents’ bed using a mop

Biggest Question: Do skimpy bikini bottoms actually help the act of pole-vaulting, or is there something else going on there?

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