Yelena Isinbayeva

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Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
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Yelena Isinbayeva

Track and Field, Pole Vault — Russia

Technique: So flawless nobody has noticed the numerous optical illusions she applies to add an extra 4 feet to her jumps

Doesn’t Matter What People Say: Is still no Svetlana Feofanova

Equipment: Signature-model Nike poles used by every young female pole-vaulter in Russia

Childhood: Trained for three hours every day by vaulting onto parents’ bed using a mop

Biggest Question: Do skimpy bikini bottoms actually help the act of pole-vaulting, or is there something else going on there?

NEXT: James Magnussen


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