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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Yellowstone Park Attempts To Increase Ranger Population With New Mating Program

JACKSON, WY—In an effort to revitalize its rapidly dwindling ranger population, officials at Yellowstone National Park unveiled a new mating program this week in hopes of doubling the endangered employees' numbers by 2015. "It's vital we act now and save these once proud rangers before it's too late," said National Park Service director Jonathan Jarvis, adding that his staff had already begun identifying alpha males, monitoring the fertility cycles of several females, and preparing specially designed enclosures that would encourage copulation. "We've matched more than 15 active breeding pairs and now just have to wait and pray that they successfully mate." Park sources also said that, if Friday's singles' mixer doesn't go well, some of the more resistant female rangers may have to be tranquilized and artificially inseminated.

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