'You Did Great!' Terrified Personal Assistant Tells Clint Eastwood

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Vol 48 Issue 35

Gun vs. Knives

Game Show 4:00 p.m. EDT/3:00 p.m. CDT Can Team Knife turn it around?

Michelle Lokey and Grant Bergen

Michelle Lokey and Grant Bergen were united in marriage Saturday in a lovely ceremony during which, let’s face it, it crossed every guest’s mind at one point or another that the couple was going to have some real pale and mole-y children.
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

'You Did Great!' Terrified Personal Assistant Tells Clint Eastwood

TAMPA, FL—Following Clint Eastwood’s surprise speech Thursday evening at the Republican National Convention, in which he used catchphrases from his old movies and addressed an empty chair as though Barack Obama were sitting in it, absolutely petrified personal assistant Tim Weddle nervously informed the famed actor and movie director that he “did great!” “Wow, that was amazing! Seriously, you were really, really great—everyone loved it so much,” a trembling Weddle carefully told Eastwood moments after the 82-year-old film legend finished his speech and walked slowly off the stage. “And you were so funny, too! Oh my God, so funny. The chair thing went over really well. You should have heard the laughter and applause from out here, Clint. Honestly, Clint. Honestly. And you looked so young, too!” At press time, a perspiring Weddle was frantically trying to keep Eastwood as far away as possible from any televisions, computers, or newspapers.

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